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  • Writer's pictureBeth

001 Another New Beginning...

This week started off (in hindsight) in a very avoidant mind state.When you put a wall up you think its protecting you and it is in a way, but it's also blocking you from seeing beyond that point. It's how fear blinds you...

My perception of days feels very..infinite? I feel infinite. I don't think I felt that or understood the feeling of that word till I just said it. It's weird to adjust to cause it's like

"what the fuck am I doing?!"

"who the fuck do I think I am"

shit. what was i saying ?

Oh yeah, the beginning of this week I had walls up. I was fighting to try and control my own feelings, fighting to try and control my own desires fighting to control...who/what I loved and still trying to fit into this way of being even though it was based on others opinions and projections.

It's funny how life sees your rules, structures and limitations and laughs at it. Then says, y'know what? that's exactly what I'm gonna send your way let see if you're really about it. And it's all just to remind you, you're not limited. You're not enclosed by the rules humans put on life in a bid to try and explain this reality...Not if you don't want to be.

You are infinite. So, choose what you want it to be like and who you want it to be with and focus on working on that- that's all you have to do.

Decide the direction and walk it, visualise the path and start the journey.

So I think the lesson this week was really about not just "What do I want but what do I desire" Not what do I want in terms of how do I fit my dreams into the box I created around my reality but moreso about how do I make my dreams my reality.

It's me getting back into my animation bag, exploring my comic ideas, putting my voice out there and sharing my thoughts with the world, cause it's who I want to be.

And it's realising it doesn't have to be this grand thing to be impactful, cause who decides what's impactful anyways? Is it impactful because it has thousands of people listening and watching me? Is it impactful because it's cut through the noise and touched one person ? Or is is it impactful even just because it's helped you be more at peace with yourself and your life...

I feel like, I am important I am here to do something important on this earth regardless of who it touches and I've felt out of place and different my whole life because I am different, I'm meant to do something different...when I think It can't be me, I'm reminded "why not me?" there's so much I hold myself back from because I think it's not possible.

Everything is impossible till someone does it. Nothing is impossible till you try.

So I'm trying to allow myself to feel hopeful, to dream and allowing my heart to soften at the idea of it all.

The only difference in the future and now is the action. And that's probably why I I feel important because I've already done something important in my life, I just haven't lived it yet. I live it by following my passions and nurturing my skills. I just need to follow what I do naturally and the details will fill themselves in.

I have to be okay with failing publicly, starting again and being wrong because that's integral part of being human. And I don't have to be perfect to earn success, I don't need to be flawless to deserve love, I don't need to be 100% healed to experience reciprocation and it's okay to want validation of your greatness, even if you're still a work in progress...

Idk what next week entails, I think its gonna be me developing a routine, finding security in this new path that I've decided to stay on. Feeling my way through the natural highs and lows of my energy and figure out a way to create a sense of routine within that. I know it'll never be a set thing because my life thrives on change, but a core framework to align my intentions is a necessity as I do have goals I am going to meet. Not to keep up with the joneses but just because it helps me feel accomplished.

Truly, I've found my hope again. It's a hope that is untethered, unlimited. It can take any form, and multiplies in any dream or space I put it into.

Trusting yourself is trusting the impossible, to be possible.

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