004 - The Space In-Between

I feel like I’m stuck between two versions of myself…

I’m seeing clearer than ever the reasons why I’ve been through what I’ve been through. & though it’s nothing new,

I’m not above it yet, the dust of the past lingers on me…

I need a spiritual lint roller…or some reiki.

This week I gained clarity on the root of my codependency issues and I was finally able to set myself free from the weight of my own self judgement.

Now, my main priority is to leave and create a home for myself, for the first time. I’m not leaving resentful, but some boundaries have to be felt, to be understood.

I’ve tried, but no amount of healing will allow me to flourish in the same environment that has & continues to poison me.

Though my progress has improved conditions, it’s not up to me to save those who are comfortable in stagnancy. Though those before me may not have had the same opportunities for enlightenment, everything is a choice and personal power trumps any external influence.

I choose to leave it all behind. Do I feel bad? Mildly.

Not all abuse is conscious or intentional, but I refuse to spend another day supplementing my joy for others’ comfort.

The blessing of perspective is seeing people beyond their titles in my life and allowing that to free myself of the expectations of their behaviour, and see them as flawed humans just like me.

I can have compassion for where people are on their journeys and still acknowledge that isn't an excuse to bypass boundaries anymore.

This moment feels familiar because it is. None of this is a new revelation...rather my commitment and connection to self makes this feel like a second chance at reckoning with who I was raised to be, vs who I am.